Producer stories

Burton Buller, Executive Producer
Interviewing people on topics like forgiveness and suicide, capturing their words and images as they share that which has taken them to the edge of sanity, also creates a sacred bond. It is a bond that reshapes one's perspective.

Video creation, unlike the lone artist putting brush to canvas, is a communal art form. It requires the minds and eyes of producers, editors, cinematographers, directors, composers, graphic artists, and more. Together this community of people shapes the message you see and hear. In the process, they too are shaped by the act of creation, and by the people they encounter.

Normally we don't tend to think much about how all those messages, with which we get bombarded everyday, come into being. We take our communications for granted. But behind the message are people being changed and shaped even before the message is presented to the public. Our entire production staff is impacted by the stories we gather as we prepare programs for broadcast.

I have come to share a bond with the people I've interviewed. They have made themselves vulnerable so that we can tell their story. And by telling their story honestly and forthrightly, they trust that your soul, too, will be touched. It's a sacred trust - a trust I recognize and hold in high regard.

Wayne Gehman, Editor
"Died at home." These three words are often used in obituaries. They used to seem straightforward. Now I'm not so sure. I look at the age and do a mental calculation of the chances that a person that old could have died from some sort of disease, which would take them at home. The other option I mull over is the possibility that this person died of one of the diseases that manifest themselves in suicide. I can't help it.

Sometimes I go so far as to wonder how their families are coping. Are they finding answers to the questions that must be bothering them? Do they have the support of friends? Where will they find hope?

Over the course of this project I've met many people for whom the topic of suicide isn't an academic exercise. It is a hard fact. They've lived with it and come away changed.

They are survivors because of circumstance.  But they are more than survivors. They are people who have found ways to turn a tragedy into a tool to help others. They have begun to lessen the stigma of suicide by being open about their experiences. They have begun support groups. They have worked at education.

They have shown that there is hope.

Sheri Hartzler, Associate Producer
I wasn't initially thrilled with the idea of doing a documentary on the subject of suicide. I wanted to do something joyful, something upbeat, something positive. We had just completed work on a documentary featuring stories of forgiveness out of tragic circumstances. "Why," I asked, "Do we want to deal with more tragedy?"

What I've discovered in this process, however, is that there can be joy, and there is something positive, that can come when people who have been dealt hard blows in life, learn to live with their pain and eventually reach out to others.

When my father died unexpectedly in the midst of our production, I wondered how much more difficult this project would be for me. What I've discovered is a greater ability to empathize with the survivors, a better understanding of the grief process for myself, and what kinds of things are helpful from others. I am astounded at the willingness of these survivors to share their emotions and their grief in such a public way - with the hope that it will be a benefit to someone else.

While I wouldn't have chosen to spend days and weeks and months studying the topic of suicide, I have learned to appreciate the effects mental illness can have on individuals, and on families, and the necessity for the church community to learn as much as possible in order to be supportive to those affected by it. My hope is that those who watch the video and explore this web site will also be moved to greater compassion, acceptance, and understanding.

Melodie Davis, Writer
There is something about suicide that makes us want to turn and run the other way.  Gail Fox in the documentary talks about the instant wall that comes up when she talks about how her son died.

We are in denial. Somehow we think that if we can avoid talking about it, avoid studying it, avoid dealing with it - we think we can avoid it for our families. We fear that dealing with it somehow invites it to happen. Think about it in this practical context: if your church were to plan an educational class on suicide, it seems like you are somehow paving the way for it to happen in your church. And so we don't study, think, or prepare.

I think that is why initially I too blanched at the topic; oh why do we have to tackle this? Why enter all that pain? What if I become hardened and flippant dealing with the topic every day? It was hard to refer to the program casually - "I'm going to the suicide meeting." What if we became depressed? What if we unintentionally "caused" (God forbid) someone to take their life?

But doing the background research, reading hundreds of pages of interview transcripts with dozens of family members, friends and experts, and researching thousands of pages of information for this website has been a tremendous gift on a number of levels: I have learned so much about mental illness, depression, bi-polar disorder and more. I have been deeply moved and saddened by the stories the family members have shared, as well as touched by their joy in remembering the life of their loved one. I have been challenged by new insights from the Bible and theologians regarding the history of suicide in the Bible. I have had my faith reaffirmed, now understanding that Christian friends and relatives who I have known who have tragically died by suicide are today in the presence of God. I had my faith in humanity and God restored to see how human beings are able to cope and find hope after the worst that life can deal them.

Many of the survivors said that talking to others (in support groups or informally) who have been there has been the most helpful therapy. It is my hope that this documentary will function as kind of nation-wide support group that will help survivors talk to each other, deal with their grief and pain, and educate all of us about how we can be helpful. I want people to know that survivors are much more vulnerable to depression and suicide and if someone thinks their family would be better off without them, they need to know that the legacy of suicide is terribly damaging. I hope that anyone struggling in an endless tunnel of despair will know that there is help, hope and suitable treatment, given enough time, and that it is worth it.